F is over de kop gegaan met haar fiets, ‘vet hard gevallen’. Ik heb haar, voor zo ver dat geen pijn deed, geknuffeld, aandacht gegeven. Was dat genoeg? Ik hoop het. Voor wat ik er aan kan doen als moeder. En ik breek mijn nek erover wat mindfulness me nog meer kan bieden. Ja, ik […]
When I was in my twenties and thirties lots of my friends and other people around me waited. They waited to skip the awful job they had. They waited to marry or to have children. They waited until they would be happy.
And then I started to get depressed. I mourned about being the ongoing talent that wouldn’t get as successful as I belonged to be.
And now I’m in my forties. I have MS. It hurts. I withdraws me doing everything I want to do or should do. And I am HAPPY
Here and now [Lees meer…]
I always need warmth. I love to shower. I have a comfortable shower that I can use standing, but also in the future, in a (wheel)chair. Now I go there, changing from one leg to the other to feel not too much pain and tintling. It’s a good place to practice mindfulness, here an now. And that is a good opportunity to have (lots of) good ideas.
A few weeks ago I read a blog of Sigrid van Iersel. She is a writer and, among other things, a creative thinker. In this blog she wrote about the ideas she has under the shower. I recognized it, at once. Not only because of the fact I did also do a course in creative thinking. Also because of the fact that it does the same in terms of mindfulness, here and now. To me the experience of showering helps me to be mindful.
Why I love to shower and why it’s a good place to practice mindfulness [Lees meer…]
It’s only two and a half months ago when the neurologist gave me the diagnosis of secundary-progressive MS. When he told us (my husband and me) we were not surprised. This message made us understand the things that happened to me in (at least) the last 13 years. So, in the beginning I was nearly ‘happy’ with the message of having MS. Now, after a while, I start to think of being in one of the 5 stages of mourning as Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described them. I don’t know in which stage I am, but I am convinced of the fact that a serious illness like MS (and knowing to have it, of course) can lead to serious mourning. And this comes apart from the suffering of being ill.
Stages of mourning [Lees meer…]
I was depressive during the last five years and I am dizzy. These are things even a doctor not immediately connects to Multiple Sclerosis (MS). But a scan showed that I have MS, secondary progressive MS. That’s what can happen when patients have had schubs without recognising them (neither the patient nor the doctor) and not have had medications for them. Now I don’t have schubs anymore. After all I had a few since let’s say 13 years ago. Now it is getting worse all the time. Who to blame? I don’t know. It’s like it is.
Stress-/pain reduction, here and now
Now I know that I have MS and now people around me know it, stress occurs. For example my mother who lives nearby. She is nearly 67 years old, very vital and she is very touched by what’s going on. She always tries to help me / us. I am very thankful for it. There’s one problem: the more she is moved by my illness, the more stress it gives her. At least I think that her physical complaints are result of her stress about my illness. To be clear: she doesn’t want to learn mindfulness. She thinks she is too old to change, so… But I tried to find out how stress and emotion work on our brain and on our physical well being. This is what experts taught me about stress and emotion.